Missing EngineerBoy

So I sent EngineerBoy off to Dubai on Sat and spent the rest of the weekend with WonderNurse. It was nice to hang out with her and not worry that I wasn't spending time with EngineerBoy. I always feel guilty, I am always having to pick someone over the other. There is just not enough time during the weekend to spend with everyone. I seemed to be always neglecting someone whether it's WonderNurse, EngineerBoy, GreenFriend, HannaMontana or someone else and they all give me crap for it. Why is it that no matter what I do someone feels left out. WonderNurse had gotten used to spending almost every weekend with me. Before Jerkface I was with her every weekend, it changed a little when I was with him but then we broke up. After that but before EngineerBoy, I would spend every Sat with GreenFriend and every Sunday with WonderNurse. Now that I am with EngineerBoy, I spend just Sunday night with WonderNurse and only Wed with GreenFriend and while I love every minute I am with EngineerBoy, I still feel guilty. I guess that's life though.
EngineerBoy will be in Dubai for 2 weeks so I have 2 weekends to spend with GreenFriend and WonderNurse though most of it will be with WonderNurse. We went out to dinner and saw Changeling on Sat and worked on the house Sunday. This weekend we are going to go the Renessance festivale which my mom loves so that will be good. Though EngineerBoy has only been gone since 3pm Sat (11/1) I miss him like crazy. It's weird not getting my morning text or talking to him on IM. He has never been oversea's so I hope he is having fun. It's always a lot of fun to go to another country even if it is for work. I saw Holland as an adult (apparently I spent a lot of time over there as a child since we lived in England), Italy (which I had always wanted to go to but never had been) and Russia (I never thought I would have wanted to go but I loved it) for work and all of it was awesome. I got to see so many things that I had ever only seen in the movies or in books. Italy was by far the most amazing place ever. I can't wait to go back. Maybe I will go there on my honeymoon (if I ever get engaged that is!!!).
So I have to ask those out there reading (all 2 of you) when did you know that your spouse was the ONE? When I was with Jerkface I wanted to get married and if you remember that's one of the reason's we broke up, I wanted to get married and he didn't. Looking at it now I think it was that I wanted to get married, not really I wanted to marry him. Now that I am with EngineerBoy, I am thinking about it again but this time I think it's different, or at least I hope it is. I really do love him, I find myself doing things for him that I would have never thought of doing with Jerkface. I hate laundry but I spent my off Friday doing all of EngineerBoy's because I knew it needed to get done and I knew he was worried about getting it done. I did ALL of it, not just what he needed for his trip but all of it. I even folded all of it. I find myself putting what he wants first etc. Looking at it I know in my heart that I probably only loved Jerkface on the surface but I love EngineerBoy to the depths of my being. I could see myself past Jerkface when we were together, I knew that I was settling, I was looking past all of the things that annoyed me to death and figured I would just live with them. Of course there are things about EngineerBoy that annoy me but they aren't things that I feel like I am compromising on. With Jerkface, I knew there would never be kids, not because I can't have them but because he didn't want them, I over looked the fact that he ALWAYS had to be right even when faced with proof that he was wrong. I ignored the fact that he never asked me what movie I wanted to see, or what I wanted to do with our weekend, or where I wanted to go to dinner. He made me feel as though my opinions didn't matter, and I let him. I let him change who I was, he didn't like some of my friends so I stopped seeing them. His friends became my friends but it didn't work vise versa. Jerkface never asked how my day was or listened to what I was doing. With EngineerBoy it's the complete opposite. He asks what I want to do, he takes my feelings into account, he has reminded me that I do count, I am a part of a whole (part of the relationship) instead of just someone to be lead around. I don't feel like I am comprimizing myself by being with EngineerBoy.
So if it doesn't work out with EngineerBoy, if I manage to mess it up at least I know that I truely love him and that I am a better person because of him. And I must say eharmony knows what they are doing. Until Jerkface, I never really dated, I was really shy and unsure of myself when it came to guys so I was everyone's best friend but never their one girl. I worked with Jerkface and he asked me out, and for 2 years I let him define me. After that but before EngineerBoy, I dated everyone, I even asked some of them out. I dated the guys at work, friends of friends, even a guy I met at the grocery store. None of them worked out, I was frustrated with what I was finding. It seemed that even I didn't know the right person for me so I figured I would try internet dating out. Most of it lead to them really only wanting one thing (the one thing I wasn't going to give them, at least not within the first month) so they never really worked out. I am sorry, Match.com is just an online booty call! I tried eharmony not thinking it would really work and I got EngineerBoy and he is my perfect match. He wants the same things I do, sees life for the most part like I do and most importantly he likes me for me. Only a select few people know the real way we met, most people think we met through mutual friends. Why is it in this day and age internet dating is so taboo? Why does it matter to me? In the end though, it doesn't matter, the past 5 months have been awesome and I hope 50 years from now it won't matter. I hope that EngineerBoy and I will get married but even if we don't I know that for the last 5 months I have been truely loved by an amazing person.
MJ